Hello, friends! I hope you’ve all been enjoying a pleasant, laid-back Friday night. Oh, and Happy Valentine’s Day by the way! 😜 If you’d like to receive some encouragement and sound advice during this special holiday (or any day!), then this blogpost is the place to be.
In the past few years that I have been attending Liberty University, I have witnessed many of my friends’ discontentment in their season of singleness. Most of them are so eager to step into marriage, and I can’t blame them. For the longest time, that was my prevailing dream and deepest desire; to find my best friend for life who would take the time to make me feel special everyday and never give me a reason to feel like I was not valued or appreciated.
Contrary to what you might be expecting to read at this point, I’m not about to go into the whole spiel of how Jesus is the only Person who can satisfy our desire to be fully known and fully loved. Undoubtedly, it is a comforting truth that we, as Christians, are never abandoned, unloved, or misunderstood by our sweet Heavenly Father. That being said, for this blogpost, I’d like to offer a different perspective to those who view singleness as some trial that must be overcome. Here are the reasons why I believe being single can be such a blessing:
Everyone is Your Brother and Sister
In singleness, I think it is much easier to adopt the mindset of seeing everyone as your brothers and sisters. Sounds kind of hippy to phrase it that way, but it's truly a godly perspective to have toward the people around you. When you're not in a romantic relationship, you have more time to focus on your other relationships. For single women, to see all men as your brothers and, for single men, to see all women as your sisters. Never needing to worry about if you're spending too much time away from your spouse or if you're spending too much time with a friend of the opposite sex (unless that person you're spending lots of time with is already in a relationship, of course)!
On the other hand, being single brings the temptation to constantly fixate on the possibility of finding “the one.” As single people, we can easily slip into the mindset of viewing our friends of the opposite sex as objects rather than real human beings.
For example, when us girls judge our guy friend based on his shortcomings or unattractive physical qualities, this does not originate from selfless love. Neither is it loving to become infatuated with a guy and idolize his attractive physical qualities while neglecting to remember that he is imperfect as well. Now, I’m not advocating for dropping your standards (even if they may be unnaturally high lol), but I am warning against allowing your impatience for finding “the one” to become so overwhelming in its intensity that it dehumanizes and objectifies your friend(s) within your heart.
It’s Nice to Have a Healthy Conscience
It is one ordeal to deal with infatuation and lust on your own. It’s an even more complicated situation when the struggle to keep your heart pure is factored into a relationship; when the person closest to your heart is consequently at risk of being materially hurt.
For example, ladies - keep having dreams about one of your guy friends? No worries! Don’t sweat the light stuff. Fortunately, your dreams don’t dictate reality. But… if dreaming about him tends to make you think about him often in your day-to-day life… AND you have a boyfriend… all I can say is “aka-awkward” (if ya know the movie reference, leave a comment below 😄)!
What I mean to say is, it’s far easier to deal with infatuation when you’re single and do not have a romantic partner who makes the act of committing adultery within the mind (Matthew 5:28) a more deadly trap to fall into. Does this mean that single people who struggle with lust are considered less sinful than lustful people who are in relationships? Not in the slightest. But when one is in a relationship, especially within the covenant of marriage, sins' consequences have a greater rippling effect than one might imagine, and more than just one person's heart will be shattered as a result. In singleness, you can avoid this risk.
Oh, Blessed Independence!
Hey, did you know that relationships take a LOT of work and commitment? Not to mention, a lot of time out of your day. Granted, if it’s the right person, you obviously won’t mind spending so much time with them. But take care to stay clear of guys/gals who are too clingy; who want to spend every waking moment with you (it’s a real thing, trust me). Remember that you are still your own person, so take the time to establish your boundaries; especially while you are still in your season of singleness. Take the time to truly understand your personality, your preferences, and most importantly, your personal values (which will naturally dictate the boundaries you will want to set within your future relationship), so that when you do step into a relationship, you can be clear, comfortable and confident in communicating those boundaries to your partner.
Still… it is so nice to be independently single (notice how I’m not implying that it’s not impossible to be independently taken either; healthy relationships do exist)! As a happy introvert, being single has been a real blessing for me. I didn’t always enjoy being single, not until last year if I’m being completely honest, but I’m grateful to God that my eyes are finally open to all the benefits that can be derived from having a lot of free time to myself. To contemplate, study, reflect, worship, write, sing, the list goes on…
Having more independence within singlehood also allows one to make life decisions that work within their best interests and increase their own personal happiness. Of course, this can make the model of a relationship more appealing in virtue. Meaning, when you decide to share your intimate heart and soul with another human being through a committed relationship, you no longer live for yourself, but for the both of you as a whole. This means sacrificing part of your own desires as well as your partner sacrificing theirs so your purpose can become united and harmonious in nature. In other words, a true model of servant-hearted love.
This is why the person you choose to marry is the second most important decision in your life! That is, after the decision to follow God and serve Him alone. If you haven’t done that already, I strongly recommend you take the time to study who Jesus is and what He has done for you on the cross. If you believe in His death and resurrection and call Him the Lord of your life, your sins shall be forgiven! (Click here if you’re interested in reading more on that train of thought, I promise it's worth your time ☺️).
That being said, singleness does offer you the opportunity to forge your own path as God continues to mold, refine and direct your faith and inward desires. As a Christian, it is also easier to focus on serving God with all of your heart, mind and soul, rather than serve the interests of this world through a relationship (1 Corinthians 7:32-35).
Content in Every Season
These are just some of the reasons why we should relish our singleness and enjoy its season for as long as we find ourselves in it. It is truly not something to be pitied, made fun of, or intentionally avoided. It’s God’s gift to us, so we ought to enjoy the benefits of it each and every day (including Valentine’s Day)!
My New EP (which is all about love, yay!)
Before I share my current Valentine’s Day mixtape, I’d like to take a moment to promote my own original music, my EP “Evergreen” that I released at the beginning of this year, which is centered around the universal themes of love and unrequited love. On my Instagram stories (my music account is @madisontaylorartist), I thought it’d be fun to designate each of my songs to a different mood/mindset that is commonly felt on Valentine’s Day:
You can listen to my EP here:
My Valentine's Day Mixtape
Okay, now for my other favorite love songs that suit the Valentine’s Day mood! I hope you enjoy listening to these songs off of my playlist! You’ll find a variety of different music styles and romantic vibes represented within it. (Not all of them are happy love songs, just as a little disclaimer)!
That’s all, folks! Thanks for taking the time to read my blogpost and for checking out my new music.
Remember, friends - you are so loved. Especially by God who first loved you when He saw your unformed substance before the foundations of the world were laid (Psalm 139:16), is the Author of every good and perfect gift that you receive (James 1:17), and is the only One who can sufficiently strengthen, comfort and guide you through the highs and lows of your experiences within dating and within singleness. To Him be all the glory!
Love and blessings,
Madison Taylor
Madison Taylor
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